Positively Melancholy

I find it funny that here in the UK - the education system dictates that we should know what we want to do with our lives, or at least have a rough idea by the time we're 14. I find it funny because it took two years out of the education system, a pretty life altering illness to take effect and hitting the age of 18 before I even began to realize what I want to do with my life. I've always had a pretty strong idea of who I was and I always knew that I wanted to be creative, but what I want now that I'm leaving my teens is a life time away from what I wanted to do when I entered them. I guess in that way, I'm thankful for my illness and that I've always had a lot to deal with, if nothing else it makes you grow up pretty quick and gives you an unshakable sense of self.

Ultimately, what I want to spend my life doing is writing and taking photos. Previously, I have suffered from a crippling lack of self-confidence and every venture I enter, I enter with trepidation and a fear of failure. The only two things I've ever know - in the pit of my stomach - that I am able to do, really do and do well, are writing and taking photos. After all, they say pictures speak a thousand words and if there's ever one that doesn't well then, I'll have the thousand words to back it up.

Stuart, as always, has shown an unprecedented amount of support for my decision to chase my dream of being a writer and today ventured out - while I stayed behind to sleep off last night's outing - to buy me a heap of fashion magazines and a full Penguin 'Complete Guide to the English Language' including a dictionary, thesaurus and a book on grammar. So now I have a full kit in order to chase my dream with.

I had planned last night to go out with Stuart today ... for all of five minutes before I realised that heading out twice in under 24 hours when I had previously been indoors for such a long time would be seriously unwise. I was pretty tired today after just the one adventure last night. It's inevitable really. Ironically, the couple of hours of upset and stress that a parking ticket caused were more harmful to my ME symptoms than any physical excursion ... I have no idea why, it's the way it always is. Fortunately, the pain and fatigue is only marginally worse than yesterday after a full day of rest the day before which is a relief to know that I can actually get outside to enjoy myself without paying for it too much afterward.